Why is that icky word ‘attachment’ important?

Attachment.

It’s a strange word, if I’m honest, and for those of us who are independent-minded or individualistic, it maybe sounds a little clingy and dependent.

What this unusual word encompasses, though, is the way we manage every relationship we’ve had or have in our lives, whether it’s with our friendships, a partner, or even work colleagues. The word ‘attachment’ also to a great extent defines the attraction patterns we fall into with our romantic partners.

Because attachment influences so much in our lives, I’ll often explore attachment theory with my clients. Personally, I believe knowledge is power and self-awareness is the path towards healing and a happier life, which is something I’d like to see in all my clients.

One online dictionary's interpretation of attachment in psychology terms is ‘an emotional bond between an infant or toddler and primary caregiver, a strong bond being vital for the child’s normal behavioural and social development.’

Attachment is pretty simple, really. It’s based on childhood. There are four attachment styles and we all have a primary attachment style, although it’s common to have secondary traits from other styles too, or to find occasionally that our attachment pattern can change with certain people.

Attachment styles fall into four main categories: Secure Attachment (given to the ones who won at the lottery of positive (not meaning perfect) parenting and contented, trauma-free childhoods) and then the three Insecure Attachment patterns which are divided into the Anxious, Avoidant and Anxious-Avoidant.

The most common refrain I’ve heard from professionals in the counselling profession is that approximately half the population belongs in the Secure Attachment style camp. Therefore, in all likelihood, those securely-attached people are able to sustain healthier relationships and make better decisions in their lives, even though we are all human and capable of making mistakes.

In a seminar I was at recently a coach even claimed that two-thirds of the population falls into the Secure Attachment style category. Call me a cynic, but I’m inclined to think that significantly less than half the population demonstrates secure attachment patterns in their lives.

However, that is a moot point. What matters to me the most is that my clients discover their own attachment patterns and are engaged enough with their counselling journey to do the work they need to do on themselves, so they can develop healthier and happier relationships in their lives. As for those who find they have the Secure Attachment style, learning about Insecure Attachment styles will enable them to make sense of many of the people they come into contact with.

Hopefully, this brief blog has been enough to whet your appetite for more knowledge around attachment theory and to prompt you into doing a little research to figure out which category you fall into.